It just hit me now after 2 weeks of classes that I am in my last year of school ever, unless I decide to pursue another degree which I probably will in the future. I can’t believe this is the beginning of my third year in Boston and everything feels new and strange and different. I moved into a new apt and now I’m extra close to MIT which makes me really happy. I’m going to Seattle in a month and I’m in one of the chillest semesters of optometry school. This year is going to be my last year with some of the most amazing people I have met on this journey and it tears me every time I think about the day we all depart and go our separate ways. Life is so precious and I’m glad I met all the people I have in Boston. Cheers to the last year of school. Let the amazing memories start collecting now…
So Suits is back for season 3. I was debating if I should watch it again. I mean Suits is a great show but sometime I just get so sick of the modern day backstabbing, lies and bullshit. I’m annoyed with the busy lifestyle and the lack of affection. I’m annoyed with that because it reminds me of my own life. Whatever, school is almost done. There will always be hot guys. Episode one of suits was alright. A playlist for sex.
Beaches, rooftops and moments of laughter. I spend my last night of my last summer giggling to another one of my silly jokes that I told wrong. I have finally discovered why people never laugh at my jokes and its because I have been telling them all wrong! It makes me so happy that silly things like this can help turn my not so exciting summer break into a very memorable time. I look forward to finishing another year of optometry school.
The big dipper is not the same as the milky way and its not called the bigger dipper just because there is a small dipper.
Goodbye summer 2013. Hello third year.
Yesterday I finished my last day of work with Dr. Trempe and now I have absolutely no plans. I wanted to travel to far places and see amazing things. I wish I had done more during the time I had off but I just worked. It makes me sad that this is my last summer. Just 2 more years until I start making a shit load of money. Maybe its not too late to plan an adventure…July 8 please take your time, I still need a little bit more life before it all starts again once more!
Clinical medicine. You make me want to bang my head against a wall. I’m staring at the number of words on each powerpoint slide and the number of slides per page and the total number of pages and I just want to curl up and get into fetal position.
Finally there comes to a point where my stress level plateaus. I turn up my favorite dance music. I bob my head and I start absorbing this load of information like osmosis. I got so focused on reading words after words, sentences after sentences that I almost set my apartment on fire twice from forgetting that I was making food for myself. Thank god for my roommate!
Overdosing on knowledge, I have to say, it is actually quite an amazing feeling. 3 down, 3 more to go.
Block 7 exam week. Close your eyes. Remember to breathe, remember to take breaks, remember to sleep, remember to get up and stretch, remember to eat. Remember the most you can do is to try your best. You are only human. Here’s to hundreds of diseases, thousands of diagnosis, 10 thousand drugs and a 100 thousand cases. Pencils, erasers and my brain.
Reflecting on all those years of good memories back in university, I thought to myself, where are the remaining pieces? Its sad to say that I will go and stroll through my facebook inbox just to read those messages. To feel what I felt during those times. To relive those moments of heartbeats. 5 years ago, if you ask me would I expect myself to be where I am today? I would say no. I didn’t believe I had the capability to get into a professional school. I didn’t think any highly of myself but rather just an average kid doing a pre-med degree. I didn’t think my life would change so much from then to now. I didn’t think I’d meet so many more people that stayed and left. I’d like to say I miss you. I’d like to say I miss all those years of laughter. All those simple days and long conversations on the phone. I’d like to say that I think about you still because you’ve became a family member since and that no one has yet to replace. So to go back in time, I recollect all the remaining pieces just to enjoy a few minutes of reminiscence. And I am still asking myself the same question: What do I want? And til now, I still don’t have an answer.
I hate my ppo professor. I hate all american people. American people are rude and disrespectful. Dear Canada, I’ll be back soon.
I talk to you because you understand me. I talk to you because you make me happy by just being you and listening. 4 years of optometry school. Will friends last? 4 magical years shared together, will these memories eventually just fade? I’m afraid. I’m afraid of losing people. I am so afraid that I remain friends with people that hurt me. I choose to remember the good times because those were some of the happiest days of my life and you have given them to me. I don’t choose to walk away but I also don’t choose to fight. I remain a bystander because I’m so afraid to act. I have learned how to bottle up feelings inside and keep them capped. I have learned that what I don’t know can’t hurt me so I choose to not ask. I have learned to not be so serious about matters because no one is sincere. These deep thoughts frequently circles around in my mind. Its almost like exercise, I do it sometimes but rarely. I am too foolishly joyful and dumb to acknowledge bad things. So I occasionally force these negative thoughts in my head. I train myself to become the world’s best cynic. We are all just too “individual” to care. We are all just too self-occupied to share. We are all just to selfish to pair. We are all just too dressed up in our own persona to stay bare. Don’t pretend like you really understand because that’s the type of fake caring I don’t need.
I don’t think my eyes have ever felt so much pain. I don’t think my head has ever ached so hard. I feel like I have a fucking tumor. I hate school. I hate my apartment. I have roommates but they never stay on the weekend and I miss them. I call my mum. I complain to her about how annoyed I am with everything. She makes me understand myself better. She makes me realize what I want in life. She gives me the wisdom to carry on proudly. How would my life be without her? I talk to my dad for laughter and I realized that being away from home can sometimes be so miserable. Maybe because I am a girl and I always want comfort. But being in this chaotic semester, comfort is the last item on my to do list . So I carry on, I make my avocado milkshake or what I call happy potion. I lick the bowl because its just that fucking tasty. I get back to studying because that’s just the life I currently have.
Worth your ears, worth your mind, worth your time
Maybe existence is just a piece of everyone’s imagination.
Burning eyes. Those poor eyelids overworked. Bulbar conjunctiva dehydrated. Cornea abraded. Neovascularization. Cortisol raising. Blood pressure elevated. 7 courses x 3h, 6h of clerkship, 10h of labs, 6h of work, 5h of lab assignments, 1h of vision therapy = 49h of school activity/week. 2h to grocery shop, 2h for lunch and dinner x7 and 7h of sleep x7 = 65h of survival needs
168h in a week - 49h -65h = 54h reserved for studying.
If “time” can be purchased and hours were sold such that 1 hour = $25. The stock market would be booming. And so would procrastination and everything will just be delayed. The growth of a nation would slow and nothing would get completed on a timely manner. Things would fall apart and people would die faster. For better or for worse?
If you asked me a year ago when I entered optometry school what I would buy with my first paycheck, my reply would be a LV travel bag. When I was flying to San Antonio for my first optometry school interview, I saw a girl on the plane with this beautiful LV bag. I don’t own anything expensive but one day I would like to treat myself to something nice. So I became determined to shine in all my interviews and get into my dream school.
If you ask me the same question today, my reply would be a trip for my parents to Europe. Then a kitchen renovation for their house. Today I had lunch with a wise friend, she said “you only realize you are aging when money begin to matter more and more to you.” Wealth, before I didn’t care now I want every bit of it. Thinking responsibly, managing my finance, reaching another level of maturity, obtaining another set of life skills, one way or another, you will need to face reality. And the reality is that being rich is equivalent to being “well” off.